Yes, it's been a full week since I last wrote in here and I've been through a lot. Two major melt downs, numerous fights with the parental units, a few serious relationship discussions, and my own self loathing.
I've finally decided who I want and it's actually someone I haven't written about in here. But she's the person I've wanted for the longest out of J, B, and S (her). I've wanted her since the summer and haven't stopped since then. We've had a few serious talks about our relationship and if it's going to happen or not because there's...complications. I've decided I'm going to have to turn down the people that like me because I'm waiting for S.
As for the fighting with the parental units...that's been happening a lot lately. I don't really know how to sum it up but let's just say at one point I climbed out of my window in the dead of night and walked two miles just to get away from it all.
I feel like my soul is slowly dying here. Whether it be because of my parents, not being at home, or my own self destruction. My parents have been criticizing every word I say and making me feel like shit. And I'm not at home here. I've lived in Florida for seven years and still this house is not a home. Philly is my everything. It's where most of my family is, it's where my home is. I don't know why lately I've been stricken with this odd need to get out of here. My self destruction...that's a big issue. It's like my soul is crumbling already, what're a few more cracks gonna do? I've been trying so hard these past few months to stop my self injury and it was working for a while but I've cut twice in the past week. I don't want to seem like I'm whining or looking ofr attention so I've stopped telling the people that have asked for me to tell them before I do so they can help me. I feel like I'm pushing people away but at the same time I feel like I need some people now more than ever.
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